A Fine Southern Vampire
by Sonata16
Summary: I can't be the only one who has contemplated what one or more of the vampires of Vampire Knight would sound like if they had a Southern accent... This was a simple one-shot, spontaneously created piece I did in my spare time. I Do Not Own Vampire Knight or Any of Its Characters. I thank my fellow author, Chimei, for inspiring me even in her absence to be the most insane I can be.


When Nikki walked into the kitchen that night, her stomach rumbling in eager anticipation of her next meal as she smelt the tantalizing aroma of chicken on the air, it was to see Catherine standing almost shoulder to shoulder with Zero beside the sink, washing dishes to then hand over to the silver haired boy, who proceeded to rinse and dry them, before placing them to the side for later putting away. Neither one of the teens was talking, and though Nikki was far more used to this than she would ever expect to be considering Catherine's normally chatty personality, it unsettled her to a very high degree that the two normally talkative—or at least talkative around each other—teenagers were in dead silence as they worked. And Nikki was quite sure she felt a disturbance in the proverbial force.

"What's up?" she asked casually, hoping to diffuse some of the rising tension she could practically taste in the air, all of a sudden not as hungry as she had been when it took more than a few seconds for either Catherine or Zero to respond. "Don't tell me you guys fought or something."

"No," Zero said curtly. "Just a stupid disagreement and we don't have anything else to talk about so we're not talking."

"A stupid disagreement?" Nikki asked slowly as Catherine 'hm'-ed her assent of Zero's words. "Why does that sound like the nicer version of 'We got into a fight'?"

"We didn't fight, Nik," Catherine reassured her friend without turning around. "Zero was just giving me a hard time about the dance because I don't want to go, so I gave him a hard time about not wanting to go, so then we just stopped talking about it altogether and haven't thought of anything smart to say since."

"Ah," said Nikki. "That makes more sense to me…So, neither of you want to go to the dance?"

She wasn't surprised to hear it, really. Catherine wasn't very well known for her love of social events and mingling, and Zero was basically identical in that aspect. They'd sooner stay home and either watch a movie, read a book, or—in Catherine's case—cook up the next hot story for Nikki's entertainment.

"I really don't," Catherine said then, sounding chagrinned. "You know I don't like dancing, Nik."

"But it's formal dancing!" Nikki insisted without really knowing why she was pushing the issue. "And I know you've been dying to slow dance with someone for ages, Cat. Other than myself, of course."

Zero almost dropped the plate he was holding at this last, unexpected comment, but recovered it before it could crash to the floor and carefully set it to the side before swiveling his head around to stare in disbelief at Nikki.

"Say what?" he asked wearily, as though sure he'd misheard her.

"Cat and I slow dance together," Nikki informed him easily, shrugging. "You know, like friends. It's nothing serious, Z, don't give me that look like you're making assumptions about my preferences, because you'll be dead wrong."

"I'll take your word for it," said Zero in a low mutter, turning back in time to take the large skillet that Catherine handed him to rinse and dry. "Though I have to ask if you guys were seriously that lonely that you just decided to dance with each other…"

"It was actually more like we were bored, and the dancing we're used to is a little more flashy and not so nice," Nikki explained lamely, "And none of the guys hanging around were worth risking getting near."

"Ah," said Zero, taking his turn to understand. "Right…so she won't go to the dance tonight because…?"

He was watching Catherine out of the corner of her, though Nikki couldn't tell if that was to measure her friend's reaction to his words or weather to make sure she didn't smack him across the head with the iron pot she was currently scrubbing down. Maybe both…

"I don't know," Nikki admitted in defeat to Zero's question. "Cat makes her own choices. Don't ya, Cat?"

"Yes, ma'am," said Catherine with a sigh, handing Zero the pot, still with her back turned. "And I don't want to go, Zero, because I don't know how to dance correctly. I don't know how to waltz or anything like that. I'd step on the guy's feet the whole time, and just embarrass myself. Besides, it isn't as though anyone would think of asking me."

"What lies!" gasped a voice, causing all three teens in the kitchen to start and turn their heads swiftly to see the Headmaster making his way through the kitchen doorway to stand beside Nikki, his hair sprinkled with snow, and Kaname and Ichijo at his side, equally snow dusted. "Lies I say!" the Headmaster repeated, waggling a finger at Catherine as she stared at him. He was smiling.

"What lies?" asked Zero tiredly, idly drying the large pot in his hand, though he didn't seem entirely keen on it as he had been, now that he was faced with his foster father and two of his least favorite Night Class students. Or, rather one of his least favorite and one he didn't particularly trust.

"She's been asked to the dance by, like, six or seven dudes," said Nikki, who was very much pleased that the Headmaster was on the same track as her, though a little miffed that he'd stolen her thunder. She'd just been about to call Cat out on her lies. "I was there for each invitation and she turned them down. Even Ichiru."

Now Zero _did _drop the dish he was holding, and it clanged loudly, nearly deafening everyone in the room, as it hit the tile floor at his feet. His mouth hung open in disbelief, and his silvery-violet eyes nearly bugged as he whipped around to stare at Catherine.

"He _what_?!" he demanded in a raised voice. Catherine didn't even look abashed as she faced him.

"Your twin asked me to the dance," she informed him calmly, turning back around to resume the last bit of dishwashing left to her. "I said thank you but I wasn't interested."

"_Why_?!" Zero asked, still aghast.

"Well, 'cause she didn't want to go, that's why," said Nikki, snorting in amusement.

"No, I mean why did he as you?!" the silver haired youth asked, directing his question at Catherine, who took a moment to consider it, then shrugged.

"No idea," she admitted with a small frown. "And you didn't have to ask that way, you know."

"What way?" Zero demanded.

"With such disbelief in your voice," Catherine told him tartly. "Like it's so hard to believe your brother has an interest in girls."

"Not just girls," Zero denied. "An interest in YOU."

"Always with the surprise," muttered Catherine, scrubbing a little more forcefully than was necessary against the dish in her hand.

"Ichiru's picky is all I'm saying," Zero said, realizing his mistake when Catherine glared down into the water in the sink. "Not that there's something wrong with _you_just that I never thought you'd be his type!"

"It's a dance, Zero, not a date," the Headmaster reminded him with a small smile.

"He made it sound like a date to me," Catherine said in disbelief, "Dinner, dancing and possibly a movie to follow if he came back here with us afterwards."

Zero made a choking sound in the back of his throat.

"Really?" Catherine asked, a little irked as she turned her head to fix the silverette with narrowed jade eyes.

"Ichiru being that way is just making me ill," Zero informed her, and he did look a little disgusted as he mentioned his brother. "You wouldn't like him, anyway."

"Why do you think I said no?" Catherine inquired sweetly, handing him the clean dish.

"And what about the other five or six guys that asked you, huh?" Nikki prompted her then, smirking. "They all seemed really nice."

"Please," groaned Catherine, sounding almost pained. "Nikki, you were there when they asked! You know _exactly _why I said no to all of them!"

"Because they were nerds, and geeks, and some of them just downright obnoxious?" Nikki guessed, causing the Headmaster to gape at her like she'd uttered some kind of dirty word.

"Nerds I can handle, geeks I can handle," Catherine said lightly. "The obnoxious ones were just already out of the question, but no. The reason I said 'no' is because they were creepers."

"Ah, right," said Nikki thoughtfully. "I'd noticed that, too."

"Creepers?" asked the Headmaster, sounding a tad concerned. "They weren't being obscene, were they?"

"No, no, no," Catherine said hastily, realizing her mistake. "Not like that. Just…it was supremely uncomfortable being around them…that's all. Very awkward. And they can do so much better than me."

"I find that hard to believe," said Zero dully, placing his dried dish to the side and taking the next one she handed him. "Guys around here don't get much better than a pretty American girl."

"Well, thank you for your compliments," Cat gratified him with a wry smile. "Though I wonder why YOU don't go to the dance."

"I don't dance," he said curtly.

"Bull," she said. "You do so. You just _won't_."

"You won't, either," he pointed out while Nikki rolled her eyes, realizing she was in for a replay of the earlier disagreement she'd heard about.

"Because I don't know how," Catherine sighed exasperatedly, casting the boy a half hearted glare while the Headmaster and Nikki exchanged resigned looks and Kaname and Ichijo looked on with polite interest. "We had this conversation literally five minutes ago, Zero! I _can't _dance!"

"You can, too," Nikki said idly. "Just not the way you need to for this dance."

"Hence why I say I _cannot _dance," Catherine grumbled, thoroughly annoyed that no one seemed to be hearing her or taking her seriously.

"She's going to gripe about this all night," Zero muttered under his breath.

"I am not," Catherine denied, irritated. "You guys just don't seem to hear me when I say I _can't _dance. Yes, I can dance hip hop, I've done a bit of tap, but slow dancing—i.e. waltzing and the rest of it—is completely out of my league."

"What if someone taught you?" Ichijo offered suddenly, surprising her.

"Beg pardon?" she asked, turning her head to ogle the boy as though he'd suddenly sprouted two heads.

The blond male didn't seem at all bothered by this however, and simply smiled and shrugged lightly.

"What if we had someone to tutor you in dancing?" he asked.

"By tomorrow night?" asked Nikki, sounding incredulous. "Cat's a fast learner and I'm sure her teacher would be fantastic, but that's pushing the envelope a little, don't you think?"

"I didn't say she had to remember how to dance," Ichijo said casually, shaking his head while his green eyes sparkled mischievously. "But you've seen the movies, right? Just have her stand on the toes of a guy who doesn't mind and let him twirl her around the room like there's no tomorrow. Problem solved."

"Except for the part where you actually have to locate the guy who doesn't mind her standing on his toes in heels," Zero pointed out mildly.

"What if you did it?" Nikki asked then, staring up at the boy with sudden inspiration, but it was quickly dashed.

"No," he said curtly. "And before you even try to bribe or blackmail me, the answer will still irrevocably be 'no'!"

"Killjoy," grumbled Nikki, glaring up at him with dark chocolate eyes narrowed.

"What about Kaname?" asked Ichijo, and Catherine gave a sound somewhere between a squeak and a cough.

"I think I'll just sit out the dance if it's all the same to everyone else," she said lightly, though she couldn't quite mask the way her cheeks were turning pink even though she never once glanced over her shoulder at Kaname and kept her eyes determinedly on the last dish in her hands as she scrubbed very thoroughly at a grease stain on its enameled surface.

"It isn't the same to everyone else, sorry," the Headmaster said with a bright smile. "And why not dance with Kaname? He's a spectacular dancer and I'm sure he wouldn't mind, would you, Kaname?"

"Not at all," Kaname agreed with a benign smile in the Headmaster's direction, his burgundy eyes soft as he looked over Catherine.

"So what's the problem?" the Headmaster went on jubilantly, turning to Catherine, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement.

"I can think of a few problems," muttered Catherine moodily, scouring the pan in her hands with possibly overdone ferocity.

"Like what?" sighed Nikki, now completely exasperated as she threw herself down into one of the nearby kitchen chairs and propping her chin up on her hand; her elbow resting on the laminated surface of the Headmaster's kitchen table.

"Like how I told every guy that asked me to the dance that I wasn't going because I had other plans," Catherine said lightly. "Therefore completely negating the need for me to be present _at all_."

"Oh, you dirty cheat," Nikki growled, annoyed. "Cat, come on!"

"No, no, and a thousand times no," Catherine said determinedly, shoving the last dish at Zero with such force that he staggered backwards a step as it was jammed into his ribs. "I'm not going, Nik. I can't dance, I don't want to go, and even if I could dance and wanted to go, I don't have an appropriate dress or shoes."

"Easily handled," the Headmaster said with a sly smile.

"You missed the part where I don't want to go and can't dance," Catherine informed him icily.

"We fixed you're inability to dance, though," Ichijo said brightly.

"I don't want to go," Catherine repeated, her temper mounting. Was everyone here _deaf, _for Christ's sake?! She didn't want to go, end of story!

But just as she was about to deliver an ultimatum about how no one in the kitchen seemed to be taking her at her word, there was a series of knocks at the door, distracting the surrounding people, particularly the Headmaster, and as he designated himself as the door answerer for the night, Kaname and Ichijo settled themselves at the kitchen table with Nikki while Zero went to put dinner on the table. Catherine—though somewhat annoyed at this trail off of their conversation—was nonetheless grateful to have something else to focus on as she made motions to help Zero when Nikki spoke up,

"What if another guy asks you to go?"

Catherine groaned loudly as she set that night's chicken entrée on the table between Nikki, Kaname and Ichijo.

"Then I'll tell him the same thing I've told the other guys!" she said tiredly. "It's not that hard and I'm actually getting really annoyed with all of these guys turning up asking me to the dance when some of them didn't even know my name!"

"It's because you're American," Ichijo said wisely, nodding. "You're intriguing to them."

"Oh, yes," Catherine sniffed in annoyance, putting down a hotplate for Zero to lay out more food items on. "I'm such a hot commodity, so to speak. Limited edition American girl and all of that."

"And because you're Southern," Zero said, which caused Catherine to stare at the boy with such wide eyes that he thought the jade orbs might just come popping right out of her head. "What?"

"Like that's a reason they're after her?" Nikki quizzed him disbelievingly. "Zero, she doesn't even _sound _Southern."

"She can when she wants to," Zero pointed out.

"You mean when I decide to act like a Southern belle because it amuses you?" Catherine asked lightly, arching a dark eyebrow at him, hands on her hips.

"Yeah, that," he agreed.

"That is totally and completely an act, Zero Kiryu, and doesn't even count as _Southern_," Nikki said, rolling her dark brown eyes at the ceiling, crossing her arms across her chest and pulling lightly at the silver chain dangling around her neck.

"But it's funny," Zero said.

"True," Nikki agreed after a moment of thought. "But she only does it for kicks and giggles, don't you, Cat?"

Catherine opened her mouth to answer, but just as she was about to speak, the Headmaster called casually from the front hall,

"Oh, Catherine, there's a young gentleman here to see you!"

Catherine's expression visibly darkened as she glared out the kitchen doorway towards where the Headmaster was certain to be standing just beyond the dividing wall between kitchen area and hallway, and Nikki snickered.

"A young gentleman, huh?" she chortled.

Catherine glanced at her friend, then at Zero, smirked a little, sighed, then, as she was making her way slowly out of the kitchen, said in the most over exaggerated, Southern belle imitation she could, "A gentleman caller? Why, I do declare, I believe I'm havin' the vapors!"

She fanned herself as she exited the kitchen, glancing back to see Nikki grinning broadly while Zero smirked. Ichijo's mouth was hanging open in shock and amusement, and Kaname seemed to be struggling to keep a straight face. Seeing this, Catherine leaned back through the doorway, eyeing Kaname as he looked back at her as calmly as he could and, arching an eyebrow, asked in her normal voice,

"What's the matter, Chuckles? Forgot how to crack a smile? Or was that not a classy enough joke for you?"

Ichijo snorted loudly with amusement, then clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound of his laughter as Nikki broke into hysterical giggles and Zero snickered. Kaname, on the other hand, looked mildly surprised, though his lips were twitching almost uncontrollably into a smile as he faced Catherine.

"Cat, go talk to your gentleman caller," snickered Nikki, one hand over her face, the other knocking lightly against the table as though she might want to bang her fist to further enunciate her amusement but was restraining herself.

"I think I will," sniffed Catherine, again in that overly done Southern accent, nose in the air.

Zero chuckled to himself.

But before Catherine could take two steps out of the kitchen, Kaname had turned in his seat, cleared his throat, and said in a low, very much Southern drawl,

"Ma'am, it might be in your best interests not to sass me in the future. I can't guarantee your safety for carrying on in such a manner and it wouldn't be gentlemanlike of me to reprimand you but I just might have to bend a few rules if you keep on."

Catherine stopped dead in the doorway, her eyes huge as she stared ahead of her, but she almost immediately swiveled her head around to gape openly at the dark haired male sitting almost directly on her three o'clock, eyeing her with such an amused expression that she rather thought he looked like a self-satisfied wolf lounging around the kitchen. Nikki had stopped giggling, and her eyes were just as wide—if not wider—than Cat's, and Zero's mouth was ajar in a similar state of amazement, while Ichijo simply turned to stare in wonder at his friend, looked him uncertainly up and down, seemed to consider saying something, then shook his head and simply sat quietly, watching as Catherine turned fully around to stare at Kaname.

At first, Nikki wasn't sure what the hell her friend would be able to say in response to Kaname's smart ass reply, but she should have known Catherine would come up with _something _to retaliate with. Even if it wasn't the smartest thing she could have conceived of.

"Well, I do truly believe," Catherine said in her Southern belle accent, her voice trembling a little as she lifted a hand to her forehead, "That I am now havin' the vapors. If you'll excuse me…"

And with that she walked out of the kitchen.

"Jeez, Kaname," chortled Ichijo when she'd gone. "Where'd you learn to do that?"

"Many, many movies that you have subjected me to throughout the years, as you very well know," Kaname informed his friend with a wry smile. "And I didn't mean to give her such a thrill."

"Ha!" Catherine gave a laugh from the front hall, and within seconds was back in the kitchen, eyes narrowed at Kaname, even as she smirked.

"Your gentleman caller?" Nikki inquired curiously.

"Coming back for round two," snorted Catherine, rolling her eyes, hands on her hips as she cut a sharp glance at Zero. "You may think you and your brother have nothing in common, but I think stubbornness ranks among the few things you manage to share."

Zero's eyes widened. "Ichiru asked you _again_?" he asked, stunned.

"Uh-huh," Catherine said with a brief nod. "Idjit… He seemed to think that the first time he asked I was making up excuses in front of the other guys."

"You _were _making up excuses in front of the other guys," Nikki reminded her, eyebrows rising into the curls of her cocoa colored hair.

"Yeah, but he insisted that I was making up excuses for his sake so none of the other guys would decide to take out their vengeance on Zero's poor baby brother," Catherine informed her, rolling her eyes towards the ceiling. "Rather than considering that I was making excuses to avoid _all _of the boys, he thought I was making up excuses to avoid the boys and to protect him because I favored him over the other guys."

There was a very pregnant pause, in which Zero eyed Catherine with narrowed eyes and Nikki blinked rapidly several times before heaving an enormous sigh.

"Yeah, Zero and Ichiru are nothing alike," the girl said decisively, nodding her head. "Zero doesn't work for his own gain, _or _think he's super special."

"Even though he is," Catherine pointed out, to which Nikki nodded her fervent agreement, in spite of Zero's mortified expression. "And speaking of special!"

The auburn haired girl turned abruptly to face Kaname, eyes narrowed.

"You, sir," she said, pointing a finger at him as the Headmaster sauntered in quietly behind her, looking immediately interested in the way that Catherine was gesticulating at one of his top students. "Since when do you speak with such a convincing Southern accent?"

"Since Ichijo forced me to watch movie after movie filled with western rodeo style men and Southern style sass," Kaname replied casually, smiling serenely up at Catherine as she stared back down at him. "And yourself?"

"I was raised in the South and watched Gone with the Wind," she said bluntly.

"Are you still having the vapors?" snickered Nikki.

"No, thank you very much," sniffed Catherine, looking affronted as she took a seat at the dinner table next to her friend.

"You were turning pink when he used his Southern drawl on you," her friend pointed out slyly, not bothering to keep her voice down. Not that it would have made much difference what with Kaname only being a few scant feet away across the dinner table.

"You were, too, don't even try to pin this on me," Catherine retorted, nudging her friend in the ribs. "You're just as susceptible as I am."

"Yeah, but Kaname-senpai isn't my type," Nikki said dismissively, waving a hand. "He is yours, however."

"I thought we were going to eat dinner," Catherine said curtly, glaring at her friend.

"We are," Nikki agreed with a bright smile. "I'm just going to tease you all the way through it now is all."

"You and Ichijo would get along spectacularly," her friend said with a glower.

"We already do," chortled Ichijo; bowing his head briefly over his plate to say the blessing before reaching across the table for the dango.


End file.
